The girls of the Fun residence

So with Mr Fun travelling with work at the moment I've been holding the fort at home. As the sex life is currently non existent I thought I would give you all a little update about the girls in our life at the moment.

First we have Geisha Girl, my once upon a time heart throb. It turns out she was easier to get over than I originally thought. Funnily enough if you play hard to get enough, you become too hard to get and I will and have lost interest. We did catch up for a drink last week but I kind of felt like I had nothing to talk to her about. She has RSVP'd yes to Mr Fun's birthday party in a few weeks so we'll so how everything goes.

Next there is the "ex stripper". I love the ex stripper. She is fun, we have stuff to talk about, she's super sexy.. There isn't much to like. On the downside she is married. I've got nothing against being married (obviously) but I/we do not want to have sex with her husband. When meeting up she often suggest that we do something at her house which kind of makes me avoid hanging out with her. Mr Fun and I have our own rules about who is and isn't ok to pursue and she falls directly in the red category. Being alone with her in her house makes me feel like I'm giving her the wrong idea. I've told her exactly what we are looking for but that doesn't exactly mean that people respect that. Her and her husband haven't met Mr Fun yet but they will also be at his birthday party!

Finally there is the Nympho, I feel bad calling her that but at this stage I really can't think of a more accurate description of her. She is more than happy to hang out with both Mr Fun and I and given the right situation I'm sure she would like to do a lot more than "hang out". She is super attractive but I feel somewhat cautious having casual sex with her knowing how many people she is actually having sex with. Sex is great but you never know whether a person is having safe sex with all their partners. That being said I highly doubt I would say no if the situation arose, wink.

As all of our new friends are coming to Mr Fun's party he has told me that he thinks all of us girls and himself should get a lap dance together. What a greedy boy.

Review - Doc Johnson G-Spot Tickler

As the debate continues as to whether the G-Spot actually exists, I decided to do a little research of my own.

Fact One (also known as the only fact) - I have, on occasion, been able to ejaculate (or if you prefer, squirt) during sex. From what I've read (which really isn't a lot), women can ejaculate during a G-Spot orgasm. Now using this theory (which makes no sense) I am now half way to a G-Spot orgasm. Are you confused yet?

When EdenFantasys, a company that sells sex toys, contacted Mr Fun and I about reviewing one of their G-Spot vibrators, the Doc Johnson G-Spot Tickler, it took me about three seconds to say yes. The packet says that it's Japan's No.1 BestSeller and my G-Spot needs all the help that it can get - whats not to like?

This vibrator has the bonus of not only being a G-Spot stimulator but also having a clitoral stimulator which made me feel more confident in using it. I know what I like sexually and that in the past has been quite "firm" clitoral stimulation, I liked that I would be getting the best of both worlds.

In the last two weeks I have given the tickler a run for it's money. I've used it alone, I've used it with Mr Fun and Mr Fun has used it on me. Unfortunately, while the tickler does give out quite a strong vibration, it wasn't quite enough to get me to the elusive G-Spot orgasm.

I'm a busy woman and felt that while the vibrations were strong for such a small vibrator I needed something with a bit more bang for your buck to get me over the line. If feel like the toy could have got me over the line if I was in exactly the right mindset, if I had exactly the right amount of time, etc. As most people know things aren't usually "exactly" in life, I'm more likely to be having a sneaky masturbating session while Mr Fun ducks out then lying in bed like a lady of leisure.

What the tickler did work well for was.. anal sex (I still feel a little naughty talking about it, talk about tame). While Mr Fun was having a little rear end fun, he put the tickler in my vagina which did give me a lovely sensation throughout my body. Unfortunately with promises that the tickler would "satisfy even the most voracious demanding sexual appetite" it wasn't quite what I was looking for.

While the G-Spot Tickler didn't make me orgasm, Mr Fun and I did have fun trying, wink.

Magazine Seals Section as Lack of Content May Cause Offence

I don't know who out there complies the content for magazines on the shelves? I understand that they need to fill the pages month after month, but seriously I picked up the May 11 edition of Cosmopolitan magazine that Mrs Fun had brought at the supermarket the other day and had a look at the "sealed section" entitled "How to Master His Member." I thought to myself this is great, Mrs Fun is going to be trying some cool new tricks on me over the next week or so... But all I can say is FAIL! Out of 7 pages there is certainly more filler than thriller.

Page 1 is just a picture, pages 2 and 3 and are a waste of space article, then there "2 pages" of sex toys for men and some basic Q&A's and anatomical tips. I put the 2 pages in quotation marks as there is a lot of pictures and large printing so not a lot of actual content here. Then there is a tiny (pardon the innuendo) penis sculpture write up and lastly a write up on Pricasso that anyone that's been to Sexpo has seen already.
There is a small article called "Man Handling 101" where "sexpert" Jo-Anne Baker from pleasurespot.com.au supposedly answers readers questions... I have a minor issue with the term sexpert in general for a few reasons, first and foremost being that most people these days are pretty well informed about sex and no one can tell anyone what will make them feel good better than themselves so the only true sexpert on you is you (through extensive research, aka masturbation).

I must admit to never having heard of Jo-Anne Baker before so I thought that for the purposes of the investigative journalism for which I am famous for I'd google her, well, I didn't even do that I just went straight to her website and read her bio. Now she seems to be the real deal, she has some fancy book learning that have given her some letters after her name, B.A. Grad Dip Psy. M.A. Critical Psychology to be precise. I don't know about you but I'm impressed! I started a uni degree and lasted about 3 weeks into my first 2 units before dropping out, probably mainly due to the fact that I just thought that uni was a good idea and enrolled in a degree that I actually found really boring but had great career prospects instead of something that I might have enjoyed and in turn stuck too. She also has a few books to her credit and a LOT of testimonials from people that she has helped...

So what's my problem with her you ask? Nothing, my question is why is this woman only given a tiny little quarter page to answer 3 questions when some random reporter got a two page spread at the start of the section and the only thing of note that they had to say was a quote from Christina Aguilera who when Cosmo asked her what she'd do if she were a boy for a day, (bless her sexy little self answered) "masturbate."

I think in essence Cosmo should just stick to fashion and leave the hard stuff (there's that innuendo again lol) to the people that know what they are doing. Or even better, if they have a great resource like Dr. Baker, utilise her for a proper sealed section instead of something just visually flashy, lets get something informative and for gods sakes, let's get some cool tricks in there for the ladies to try in the sack, there wasn't even a single tip like, try having a piece of ice in your mouth during oral sex or even a simple the more lube (or spit) the better tip!

The early bitch misses the worm

When I was a younger I used to attend a church youth group; I don't remember a whole lot about the experience but I do remember one story that they told about reputation. The story explained that a persons reputation is like an egg, all it takes is one nasty fall for it to break into hundreds of tiny little pieces. Just like a broken egg shell, it is near impossible to piece back together your reputation.

On Saturday night during the meet and greet, I witnessed the power of a reputation (by a bunch of catty girls).

The first five of us to arrive were getting to know each other over a glass of champagne when a text message was received from someone who was running a little late. We chatted a little about what those still coming looked like in there pictures before one of the girls realised that they had "heard" about her before. I can almost hear the starting gun going off because all it took was that little comment for them to start.

By the time she arrived none of the girls wanted to sit next to her and jokes were made about her like "oh I'm just going to the toilet, why don't you slide in and sit next to so and so".

This girl was very attractive and seemed perfectly nice but at the end of the night everyone but her were invited to the after party. There was actually a toilet meeting where they tried to figure out how to sneakily bail because the girl had suggested doing something afterwards. The "meeting" was so bad that a lady in the toilet actually asked "is this a bitch session".

Do you not think this is horrible? I feel bad that I was even involved.. I messaged her this morning and asked if she wanted to have coffee because I actually feel horrible for not getting to know her better.

Do you know what the thing that the girl had heard about her was? That she can be overly sexual in conversations. That she talks filthy when it's not necessary, that it's a little over the top. I've been on the receiving end of this before and it can be off putting and overtime it becomes increasingly annoying but during the few hours we were together she didn't seem anymore flirtatious than the other girls.

It makes me think that the girl that they didn't want to know was probably the nicest of the bunch and now funnily enough as I was the only one to make an effort with her I got her number, found out that she was actually single not in a couple as everyone else thought and we have a date for a coffee tomorrow night... So I might burn on the spot if I walked into a church these days but I can thank my misguided youth for helping me get a girl date for tomorrow night that is also interested in meeting Mr Fun.

Stay tuned!

The Realm of Temptation

If you follow us on twitter you would have seen that last night (and last week) I attended a ladies only meet and greet. The women dress in their finest and meet at a sexy wine and cocktail bar where the cheapest bottle of champagne is Chandon Brut. From there, if you are deemed sexy enough, you may receive an invitation to attend an "after party" of sorts.

In life, people in my humble experience, have the predisposition for the want to be liked, accepted, desired, loved, popular and attractive. Whether I planned to attend the after party or not, I wanted to be invited.

Temptation
Something that seduces or has the quality to seduce.
The desire to have or do something that you know you should avoid.

Sometimes I tell this story when I'm asked for relationship advice by women who are doing anything and everything to sway a guy who isn't interested in them.

An old friend who I hadn't seen for a year or two and I were chatting online as we occasionally did when he informed me that as I was a drug addict he could no longer be associated with me. I knew that I wasn't a drug addict, other than trying marihana, (which I had such an association with that I spelt it that poorly, rolls eyes), I've never experimented with any other drugs. Hell, I'm even scared of the ocean let alone putting an illegal substance into my body!

I knew that I didn't like this guy - I hadn't seen him in a few years for a reason. Weird and creepy guys don't usually fly to the top of my social circle although I made an exception for Mr Fun, wink. But his comment enraged me, how dare he accuse me of being a drug addict and how dare he not want to be my friend. Instead of using this opportunity to end the friendship I defended myself until I had convinced him that I was worth being friends with, that I was good enough. In the end I got stuck with an annoying needy depressed online friend, yep still haven't seen him again, for two more years that I didn't like!

The moral of the story is that you better be sure that you actually want what you are trying so hard to get as you may just get stuck with it.

With this in mind I realised that I didn't really want to go to their after party, but I'm so obsessed with Geisha Girl and gaining her approval that I forget who I am and what I want. It really fricken annoys me that like a circus animal, I wait around until I'm needed and then jump when she says jump until I'm needed no more. I have such a strong desire to have her chase me instead of the other way around that I do things I wouldn't usually do, things I don't want to do. In my attempt to impress her I lose myself.

I slide into the realm of temptation.

I thought my temptation was the desire of other women and the single life but in actuality my temptation is the need for approval and acceptance. I want to be "one of them" so badly that I am tempted to do anything. I was worried that they wouldn't like me because I didn't want to go to the after party.

Mr Fun has told me this before but I need to learn to worry less about what other people think of me and worry more about what I want and like. In a relationship all parties involved need to prove that they are worth it not just me.

In Tuesdays with Morrie it talks about recognising our emotions so that we can move past them. Now that I recognise my temptation I can move it to the side and the picture I see isn't so pretty. Geisha Girl isn't worthy of this attention. In reality she's actually a bit of a bitch. Why I convinced myself that she was better than me and that I was the one that had to prove I was worthy, I don't know.

I'm not going to sit here and point out her flaws but they do exist. The biggest flaw being her unavailability - I can see clearly now (the rain is gone, ha ha) that just because someone is bisexual and single, it doesn't mean that they are available. For Mr Fun and I Geisha Girl is unavailable which is ok because her being unavailable makes her someone that we are not interested in.

Mr Fun got to this point and realisation a lot earlier than I did, thanks for letting me get there on my own sweetheart.

I'm not single and I don't want to have sex with unavailable women.

I want a woman that Mr Fun and I can love and that can love us - I've just got so much to give, wink!

How to Get a Girl Interested in Casual Sex Online as a Single Guy Part 3 - What Not To Do!

If you would like to read more about our online dating experiment click here.


Out of the 67 messages I received in my first week of online dating about 60 of them were no good.

I won’t bother going into any of the messages that had extremely poor spelling, punctuation and grammar. Let’s just say that if they cannot spell the words, you, I or what then there is no hope and that they should probably invest in a VERY large bottle of lube and some king sized tissues.

Here are a few of my favourites!

Hmm, are you trying to appear honest by admitting your profile is not quite 100%? Odd approach buddy, but don’t worry I’m “hornt” too.

“Look no further… well a little less anyway”… Good advice and great joke! I will definitely be looking a little less anyway..

I’m sorry to hear that no women have been willing to have sex with you. It’s weird because you seem like such a catch!

OMG really! I didn’t think my picture…

accentuated my breasts but thanks for saying so!

Happy New Year to you too! I’m not sure how to break it too you but it’s actually already past Easter, could it be time to get rid of the new year message?

Not very good.

I’m not even sure what to respond. I’m curious to know if this has actually worked..

And they say that women are the harder sex to understand…

Mr Fun trying to impress Mrs Fun with his muscles

So I'm not really sure if this rates a Wanton Wednesday post or not... I'm not really looking my best at the moment as I'm trying to get a bit bigger so my abs are nowhere to be seen... But after all of my hard work at the gym I do try to pry compliments out of Mrs Fun by randomly flexing lol.

On a positive note though we did better in the sex challenge this week, we racked up 4! Would've been 5 but Mrs Fun had a sexy ladies only threesome on Friday night and me masturbating to the pictures of it after the fact doesn't really count as being involved so we missed that one lol.

A new respect for Men - Courting a Woman

As a women who is relatively attractive (ok I admit it - I'm hot, wink), I have had very limited experience in actually trying to pick up.

As most women (and men) know, if you've got a vagina and you want to have sex with a man, you can get it from someone, well... Pretty much anyone you want really with few exceptions.

As the years go on I have become more and more interested in women and it appears that waiting for some spontaneous lady time is no longer good enough. Sure if I was single, I could get a women. If I was happy to play alone with women that were unavailable or in no way a possibility for Mr Fun, I could get a women. If I wanted a one night stand, I could get a women. But I don't and I'm not.

I am married
I am committed, and
I want something intimate, lasting and personal.

So now that I have come to the conclusion that it's not as simple as looking at a women to get her to fall for you I have to do this thing called work for it. I know right, how dare they make me work!

For reasons that I am unable to explain I feel a connection with Geisha Girl and whether she realises how strong that is or not I am now "courting" her. As Mr Fun and I put it, we 're not trying to put all our eggs in one basket but when you feel it, you feel it.

So the whole courting process involves dating and dating involves patience and this thing I'll refer to as being "smooth".

Not only did I not inherit an ounce of patience, smooth is definitely not my middle name. I'm corny, dorky and frankly a little lame - proof in point, I just made a Dad joke about smooth not being my middle name.. and then explained it.

Now that we have got through that long winded (but hilarious... Right?) introduction I will finally get to the point. Mrs Fun's "smooth" successes.

Can you believe it, some of my lame lines have actually worked!!!! (sorry I really thought that deserved that many explanation points)

Here are a few of my favourite that I know you are going to LOVE (again with the over excitement)

- As Geisha Girl was holding a $50 note in attempt to pay for our dinner - "You do know that I'm not going to let you pay for dinner" Geisha ADORABLY giggles while pushing me and tries to force me into taking the money.. and we fall into a pit of jelly. She starts ripping off my clothes and slathering jelly all over my breasts.. Shit, that keeps happening, back to reality please! Eventually she gives in and says "we'll I will buy you dinner next time" to which I smoothly reply "my plan has worked, now there has to be a second date" - SMOOTH SUCCESS!

- Geisha Girl and I both attended a ladies meet and greet over the weekend where spin the bottle was played. She misses the conversation about the game we are about to play so I follow her into the bathroom for some alone time and throw her this beauty - "So they have decided to play spin the bottle and I think it will be really unfair if either of us have to kiss the ugly girl before we've had the chance to kiss each other. I'm thinking that we should do something to fix this situation". Insert pash, pash, pash and a little groping. It was super, super amazing and perfect - SMOOTH SUCCESS!

- After our first date Geisha Girl drives me to my car. As I go to leave the car she kisses me on the cheek  and being a little too keen I go in for a surprise hug afterwards. While being receptive to the hug, it was obviously a little awkward and I actually say "I'll give you a hug too". Lovely! - SMOOTH FAIL! Don't worry, it obviously didn't deter her and we have seen her since. I did follow it up with a "I know you loved my awkward car hug" message.

Now if she agrees to another date I'll (and hopefully we'll) have some great material for you.

Dating Sucks

"You look really handsome", I yelled out to Mr Fun as I passed him in the hallway.

"You look like you've been crying", he charmingly replied... And I do.

Unfortunately in life, even the people you care about most, will unintentionally hurt your feelings.

I haven't written about Geisha Girl a lot apart from our first meeting but to say that I have been caught hook, line and sinker doesn't really give it the credit it deserves.

Ever met somebody that you've felt such a strong connection for that you know that in someway they are meant to be involved in your life? I allowed myself those thoughts and so many deeper and more personal fantasies for her.

I wanted her involved in our relationship and our lives not just for me but for Mr Fun too.

Mr Fun is hijacking this post... It is time to put on our comfy clothes and watch a sappy movie... Probably Notting Hill as it is a favourite of ours. We need a big group hug but all we have is each other right now so that is enough... Happy Easter all...

Oh and we are rocking the sex challenge this week.. 3 times so far for us and would've been 4 but Mrs Fun was busy without me on Friday lol...

How to Get a Girl Interested in Casual Sex Online as a Single Guy Part 2 - Original Messages

If you’d like to read more about our online dating experiment click here.

If you read part 1 of this series you will obviously realise that there is a lot of competition out there for the young ladies on internet dating sites. As a man trying to meet a woman on an online dating site there are a couple of things you can do to increase the likelihood of receiving a positive response.

Number One – Be extremely good looking. You're kind of already born with this but you can at least join the gym and try to look presentable. Or you'd need to be rich enough to get some serious plastic surgery and if you can afford that then you're likely to be able to pick up anyway as there are always gold digging hotties out there more than willing to steal you hard earned or inherited buckets of cash.

Number Two – Write personal messages to each person. Believe it or not we can tell if you have sent us a saved template.

Number Three – Be funny and original.

Out of the 67 messages I received in my first week of online dating there were only two that I would respond to and both went for the funny option, number three.

Here's an example of two of my favourites:

Before creating an online dating profile I thought I wouldn’t be receptive to a message unless it was personal, intelligent and “real”. Once I got to the point where I was having to read through 60 plus messages the ones that grabbed my attention weren’t the serious “I’d love to get to know you” types but the funny and original “I send this to every girl” type.

If you have an online dating profile and are sending out a hundred messages for every response you get why not give this a shot for a week and see if it goes better. While I may not be interested in either of these men I would have at least responded to say “hey, that was original”. A conversation starter is all you really need.